Bad Tipping

wtf is this?

So. Let it be known, I am a waitress, so there will be plenty of bitching about horrible tippers.  You have been warned.

I don’t know if there is something in the air lately, or people are just progressively becoming bigger assholes, but I literally made negative 790 dollars this weekend. YES! WEEKEND! You know, when I’m suppose to be raking in the dough.

I know what you may be thinking, “maybe this chick just sucks at her job?”…well I’m a fucking AWESOME waitress!

Regardless of how great or awful a server is, there is no excuse to EVER leave less than the BARELY acceptable 15%. If they were bad, trust me, 15% will tell them that.  Unless your server spits on you, cusses you out, and slaps you in the face with your steak, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES leave less than 15%.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when deciding how much to tip your server;

1. Did you like them? Yes? -POW stacks of cash coming their way. It’s hard to entertain complete strangers, give monetary credit where it’s due.

2. Did you bring kids? Yes? -BAM 20% plus a cleaning fee of 2 extra dollars. They aren’t my kids, I don’t need to clean up after them for free. Thanks.

3. How needy were you? -Did they have to visit your table more than 4 times? Yes? Nothing less than 20% is acceptable. (If you know you like ranch with your fries, for God’s sake, order the ranch when you order your food.)

4. Did you get a discount or special? Yes? -You may need to leave more than 20% to make up for the fucking $5 lunch you just ate! I really fucking hate lunch specials.

The following are not reasons to justify leaving a bad tip (less than 15%);

1. The amount of time alcohol or food takes to be delivered to your table.

-We have no control of that.

2. You had to send food back to the kitchen. -I did not cook your food. So when your steak is overdone, don’t take it out on me. My job is to put the order into the computer, and bring you whatever you need.

3. IF YOU PAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S BILL, YOU BETTER BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO TIP ACCORDINGLY. -Cheap mother fuckers. If you wanna impress your friends, impress them with your generosity via CASH MONEY TO THE SERVER!

4. You are strapped for cash. -PSHHHHH not that strapped, you went out to eat. BYE FELICIA, hand me your wallet!

WOW, this all escalated quickly.  500 words comes a lot faster when it’s not for a college paper.

Now take what you have learned here and go make it rain on some random server that laughs at your bad jokes!


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